Naiintindihan Kita

Over these years, I encountered metric tons of hardships. Hardships in achieving a dream, and sometimes trying not to give it up. Hardships in winning friends, and sometimes in letting them go. Hardships in trying to break out from my shy and quiet personality, and sometimes in keeping myself too close from another person's fire. Hardships in trying to build my relationship with my loved ones, and sometimes in not breaking them. Hardships in fighting for my faith, and sometimes in hoping not to lose it. Hardships in trying to live, and sometimes in trying not to feel dead.

I went through many trials that thoroughly tested my character. Failed a lot of them. Once. Twice. Thrice. Sometimes more. Failed some back then. Still failing some even up to now. 

I find myself wanting. I find myself lacking. I find myself flawed. For someone dreaming a dream for his entire life, that was more than bad. That was grossly imperfect. Utterly undeserving. 

It’s hard to be in a situation where you have dilemma of giving up a dream or pursuing that dream that seems to be impossible to achieve. Frustratingly frustrating.

And perhaps that is the cruelest part of it all. Frustrations, when carried for too long, eventually turns into sadness. 

No one understands. People will judge you. They often associated sadness and frustrations with being ‘maarte’. But they have no idea how many thoughts are running in a sad and frustrated person’s mind. They have no idea of the struggle, of how hard that person is trying. 

Please understand that a sad person is simply a sad person and a hurt person is simply a hurt person. Do not invalidate their feelings by calling them 'maarte'. Imagine having a terrrible headache that feels that your skull is splitting apart. If you tell someone about your pain and they replied, ‘ang arte mo naman’, wouldn't that hurt? The same is true for someone who is frustrated, someone carrying a burden that has made them deeply sad. When they finally gather the courage to share their feelings and are met with invalidation, it hurts too. Perhaps it hurts even more because that frustration is wrapped in emotions that are difficult to explain.

What they need is understanding. They need comfort. they need encouragement. Please try to understand their struggles and sufferings. And if you cannot, try not to say something that will make their pain even heavier.

The next time I feel sad, I promise to be careful about whom I share my feelings with. I dislike being judged. I dislike becoming even sadder after finally finally finding the courage to open up.

 I still hope I find a friend whom I can share  every thought without fear of being judgment. A friend who understands because they have been there too, or perhaps are still walking the same road. There is something comforting about hearing:

'Naiintindihan kita.'

Sometimes, that is all a hurting person needs to hear.