Joy in my World

“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart but the very next day, you gave it away…” The song continued to play as I was looking for gifts to give on Christmas, not knowing that it was also the time I will give my heart to someone special.

It all started with a simple text message from me, “Kamusta?”  

“Was that a group message?” she replied.

“No, it was not” I responded. From that message, an unprecedented love story began.

            Joy is her name. I somehow expected that she would bring joy to my life. I could still remember how a simple text message from her made my day. Every time my phone rang with a soothing ring tone, I would always wish it was her. I could also remember how a fifty-minute call would seem to last for just a minute because it felt like time stopped every time we had a phone call. The first song she sang for me still playing on my mind. Sweet and dazzling smiles would always cover my face whenever she talked.

Christmas was fast approaching. We kept on exchanging stories, thoughts, and gifts. I still didn’t understand what the unusual feeling was. I really couldn’t decipher why this girl made me smile effortlessly. Until that day, we were sitting on a bench beside a large tree, with the wind terrifically freezing yet I felt warmth, I held her hand and I couldn’t deny, I said to myself, “this is love, yes, I think this is love”. We made moments together that, I thought, would last forever. Promises that etched in my heart. Memories that, I believed, would always be remembered. And stories that, like one of the fairy tales', seemed to be a happily ever after.

I used to wake up, get off my bed and thank God for another life He has given me. Until she came into my life with all the reason I could give. I faced each morning with grateful heart, thanking God for another life of blessing, of inspiration, of love…with her. I would never be able to live without her because she’s what keeps me going. She’s what keeps me breathing through the day, she’s one of the reasons why I am still alive. She’s such a blessing, such a joy in my life.

Her words were the sweetest, “You made me happy, and still you do. You always make me happier than anyone could ever imagine to be. You give me feelings that are too indescribable. I still get that excited, jumpy feeling whenever I see you; I still get that sad, lonely feeling whenever we have to part. Right now, I know that you and I are meant to be together, which is why we are, and we forever shall be. No matter what we go through, no matter what we fight about, no matter what happens, in the end, being together is the most important thing of all, and neither of us will ever let that slip away. Sure there will be a fight, but there will never be a fight big enough to break us apart”.

I couldn’t give any words to define that Christmas. All I know was that, I am in love, deeply in love.

But a year has already passed. A simple text message was not enough. Songs from me couldn’t tame the screeching feeling of our hearts. There were words I never expected to came out from her mouth. I still love her, but what happened? Again, it was December. The frosty weather wasn’t like before. The cold wind started to hug me --- alone. The Christmas lights sang like something has changed --- unenthusiastically. There was also an unusual feeling that we couldn’t explain. What I am sure of was, it was not love, it was not love at all.

I received a text message from her, “Kamusta?”

“Was that a group message?” I replied.

“Yes, it was.” she answered.

She was texting someone else. She was not happy with me anymore, I thought. Not even sure if she still loves me. The feeling started to wreck my heart. From sturdiest smiles into grimiest tears. From enchanting melody into quarrelsome voice. Yet I still love her, I still love Joy, but she’s gone. Gone with her promises, with her new.

She’s gone. I have no reason to stay here. Christmas Eve, while everyone was enjoying with their families, I was hurt, deeply hurt by someone I truly love. I decided to do the ultimate form of escapism.  I’m now in a place where no one can see, a place where the bright stars are found. And to whoever that’s reading this, could you please tell Joy that I love her, and forever I will.